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Centuries ago, our ancestors didn’t have that many boxes to tick when it comes to compatibility. Some were even forced into marriage but did well despite that.
But while it’s kinda foolish to try and measure everyone to a checklist thousands of entries long before we settle down, it’s also a bad idea to just go in blindly and see how it goes because you think you’re getting way too old to be choosy.
1) Life goals
If you want to live a nomadic life, find someone who’s into that or at least someone who’d complain a lot when you’re camping.
If you want to be a billionaire by 40, find someone who’s already on their way up or who’s willing to do the hard work.
If you want ten children, find someone who’s not only happy to have children but also has the skills and money to have kids.
I have a friend who wants to move to New York so she can pursue her dream as an actress. Her boyfriend’s dream, on the other hand, is to go sailing and live a nomadic life.
Now imagine their venn diagram. Their circles would be so apart that what they probably have in common is their love for each other. And this is a recipe for disaster. The more things you have aligned, the more things you have in common, the better your relationship will be.
It took them five years to break up. And it’s sad to look at the two of them because they still clearly love each other a lot but they really just can’t be together while staying true to themselves.
If you have similar life goals or you complement each other’s life goals (individual and combined), you’ll find that life is much easier.
- If you’re both truly sure of the kind of lives you want, congratulations! Some people just go on living without knowing what they truly want. That means you’re both self-aware and passionate people and this is a big plus.
- Discuss what you’re truly willing to compromise.
- If you want three kids but they don’t want any. What about one kid? Will you both be happy with that?
- If you want to get married but they don’t, is it because they hate church weddings? What about a civil wedding, will they be okay with that? Will you be okay with that?
- Negotiate. If you’re really not happy with your incompatibilities with your life goals, offer suggestionse up with a way that’s not only fair for you both, but would actually make your togetherness more fulfilling.
- Make sure you follow through. You have to make sure that you’re both putting in the effort to make the necessary adjustments to have the life you both imagined after you came up with a compromise.
Money is one of the top reasons people get divorced. It’s not that rich people will be happier, it’s just that they’re less miserable. It’s one less thing to worry or fight about.